genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
