ugly people sure do ruin things
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
