is your mom at the bar?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
