We need to start having sex underwater more often.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
