I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
