hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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