Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
