Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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