Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
