The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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