Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
