youre lurking in front of me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
