I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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