her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He kissed a someone with a penis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
