the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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