I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
