I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
