I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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