This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
