My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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