i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
