Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found puke in my bra..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
