Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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