Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You ruined the universe
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
