I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
