So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.