ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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