don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize