I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
