You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
