oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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