i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
