I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
