That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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