that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
