3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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