My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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