I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
