Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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