Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize