Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
