Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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