May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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