Where did you get a picture of my penis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
