oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
