I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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