i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
