I have demons in me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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