I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
