Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
