after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
