3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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