They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
