i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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