I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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