You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
