so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
