I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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