oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
