woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
