On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
