can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
