you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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