The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
