drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
