Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
