How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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