is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
