Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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