I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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