I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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