Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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