I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So much rum. So many feels.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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