Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
