you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
