Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
