is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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