This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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