As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
