Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
