You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
