Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
