Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
