I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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