FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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