Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
