nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
