You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
