Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
