I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
