This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
