if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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