i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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