i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
