I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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