Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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